FRIDAY LEADERSHIP
NUGGETS; THE LESSON FROM AN “ATOLE”
Atole is a derogatory Yoruba word for someone that
frequently urinates while sleeping. This is a very shameful thing for both the Atole
and those close to him or her and today I want to share a very crucial lesson I
learnt from a 8year old girl in 1999. This lesson has been with me ever since
then and I have meditated extensively on it with modifications and adaptations
to other situations.
It was a Saturday morning and I was at my friend Yinka
Omibiyi’s place at Ogba in Ikeja Lagos state. We were standing outside the
house and this precocious 8year old girl was entertaining us when her mother
came out and interrupted; “what’s she talking about? I will come to your school
on Monday and tell your whole class that you “bedwet”. She said irritatingly and
in desperate attempt to threaten her. The little girl pulsed for a while, then
without looking in the direction of her mother answered: “Hmmm! Come now. What do
you know other children are doing in their houses that are bad, but you come
and tell the whole world that yours bedwets”. To say we were all shocked at
that response is an understatement; in fact, the mother was speechless while
others busted into laughter after we recovered from the mother–child altercation.
That was the last time I saw the girl but I can never forget what I witnessed
that day. As you can see, i can't remember the girl's name but you can guess what will first come to my mind if i see her today, 17years after.
Many times in life, we are confronted with great and
embarrassing challenges but in an attempt to give drastic solutions, we are
confronted with options that can damage institutions (families, churches and
administrations). I have discovered from deep meditations on this Atole example
and many others that I have considered that public embarrassments don’t solve
many problems; they only cause emotional wounds and damage relationships. In this
particular case, as the little girl posited, the mother would have ended up embarrassing
herself too because many people will later see her as the mother of the girl
that wets her bed, even many years after the girl must have stopped
bed-wetting.
I see many friends on social media who are swift to make
comments that suggest the challenges they have with their spouses and I just
sigh; I don’t know how that would solve the situation but I can't forget in a
hurry the impression it gave me of the one who posted and the spouse in
question. No doubt, blowing the whistle sometime works but that’s when it’s
well executed. I have made several mistakes in the past too but whenever I consider
the situation from this perspective, I take redress. Even in public leadership,
we must be very careful not to destroy institutions and the systems in an
attempt to solve a great problem; we must consider the bigger pictures and be
careful not to lay a wrong precedence.
Many political leaders enjoy embarrassing their followers in
public; it makes them feel like the boss. However, truly it makes you feel like
the boss but it also gives a lasting impression of your leadership which many
people might remember forever. There are many examples in our polity and
society: the Governor insulting the deputy in public, the Pastor describing his
ministers as terrible, President calling his Ministers as noisemakers. I have
studied and discovered that the aims of such public comments and treatments are
never achieved. Like the case of the Atole, announcing in the class is not a guarantee
solution to bedwetting, in fact, it might compound it.
The lesson today is: deal with the drastic problems
drastically from the roots without destroying the institutions. Never lose
sight of the big picture and be careful not to set a memorable wrong
precedence. I have always asked myself what is the ultimate aim of this
reaction; causing a public scene and embarrassment always appear easier but in
the long run, they are always more costly.
Hmmm! Friends, as leaders and leaders-in making, we must be
very careful how we handle issues. There is always more than one route to a
particular destination but the shortest one is not necessarily the best one.
LEADERSHIP QUOTE: “Whoever fights monsters should see to it
that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough
into the abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you”. –Friedrich Nietzsche.
Good morning & TGIF.
